When I was a girl, I loved to send thank you notes for my Christmas gifts. Every year I would buy a fresh pack of thank you cards at the local Hallmark store, usually with a kitten or a polar bear under mistletoe. Meanwhile, my dad would be an aisle or two over, picking out individual thank you cards for all the customers and vendors who sent his business a holiday gift. (Of course, he usually had my mom write the cards!)

Thank you notes are an essential form of communication. In my personal opinion, times may change, but good manners never go out of style.

Anytime you receive a gift, no matter how small, you should acknowledge it with a thank you note. My favorite etiquette book, written in 1948, reminds us about other courtesies extended to us: “The truly gracious person also makes sure that every favor or courtesy, every kindness or attention on the party of a neighbor or friend is given prompt and gracious acknowledgement.” (The Standard Book of Etiquette by Lillian Eichler Watson)

But more than exhibiting good manners, writing a thank you note can build relationships, establish connections, and even help heal emotional wounds. As communication becomes less personal with tools like texts and social media that purport to keep us “connected,” one good old-fashioned, personalized note establishes more rapport between two people in an instant than a thousand tweets to a thousand followers.

You’ll need a few supplies, like a pretty note card (it doesn’t have to be imprinted with “Thank You”—a plain note card works well), a pen, a postage stamp, and of course the recipient’s physical address. This may require some digging, and if you don’t have their address, it’s perfectly fine to text them and ask for it.

But more than these supplies, sincerity is the most crucial ingredient of any thank you note. Capturing this sincerity is best achieved when the feelings of appreciation are still present—hence writing the thank-you note soon after the gift is received or the event occurs.

The Fool-Proof Thank You Note Formula

Once you’ve gathered your writing supplies and your sincerity, it’s time to write the note. Are you ever at a loss for words when writing a thank you note? Fear not! Here is a formula that works every time:

1.   Mention your hostess or gift giver by name.

Use of first or last name depends on the degree of intimacy between the giver and the recipient. A note to close friend might use a nickname, while a note to an older neighbor might say, “Dear Mrs. Miller.”

2.   Say thanks for the kindness, hospitality or gift.

Be sure to specify the item, gesture or event. If you need writing prompts, be sure to check out my e-book, 101 Ways to Say Thanks.

3.   If appropriate, mention how you will use the gift, or what you will remember of the event.

4.   Sign off with an appropriate closing.

Again, depending on the degree of intimacy, a variety of closings could be used. These are some of the most frequently used arranged in increasing intimacy:

Sincerely,

Sincerely yours,

Regards,

Best regards,

Cordially,

Warm regards,

Fondly,

Affectionately,

With love,

Love,

If appropriate, include a suggestion of a future meeting. Always remember to sign your name!

Here are examples:

Dear Betty,

Thank you for a lovely evening at the cocktail party on Saturday. I had such a good time! I honestly can’t remember the last time I met such warm and interesting new people. I look forward to returning the favor soon.

Regards,

Linda

Dear Aunt Pat,

Thank you so much for the cashmere sweater. I’ve worn it twice already, and have received many compliments. It’s beautiful and so luxurious! I truly appreciate your thoughtfulness.

Much love,

Charlie

Dear Uncle Bart,

Thanks for my birthday gift card; I used it to purchase my favorite perfume. I will think of you every time I wear it! It really brightens my mood.

Love,

Lisa

Think beyond gifts and remember that thank you notes are great in business settings, after parties and events, and for everyday gestures, too. In my e-book, I give you pre-written notes for over 101 gifts, events and business situations. You can pick up a copy by clicking here:

If you’re unsure whether a thank you is required, send one anyway. For example, if you find yourself reacting to something with, “Gosh that was so nice of her,” it’s a good time to write a thank you note. A sincere note of gratitude and acknowledgement is always appreciated.